This is one of the essays I wrote for my musical theater class final last semester. The prompt was to detail how you would revive a broadway show that has been off broadway for at least 10 years................
Some would say "god" is "missing" from the "educational" "system". Well, as it turns out, it's just the opposite...; what’s really absent from the lexicon of today's doomed youth is the gospel of the Rocky Horror Show.
New York City is falling to pieces. A city once ruled by passion is now ruled by price. Where there were once xxx theaters, there are now McDonalds’s. Ever since Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and Bin Laden successfully implemented fascism at the beginning of the new millennium, regimes have been put in place to ensure Broadway entertainment remains a family affair.
Back in 1975, when the Rocky Horror Show first went on Broadway, New York was both literally and figuratively an absolute cesspool. So much so that gunshot wounded hookers seeking shelter would wander into the theater off the street, mistaking it for children's entertainment.
Gone are the iron whores of yesteryear.
So, I propose we do a week long revival run of The Rocky Horror Show on Broadway.- We will spare no expense; this has to be a spectacle like no other.
Lou Adler had to pull the show after just 45 performances in its original run. If it failed in 1975, it'll likely fail now. But ultimately, with this whole fetishifaction of the retro, perhaps it'll make a great deal of money. But that doesn't matter; what matters is that as fans of Rocky Horror, we make sure that society at least has the opportunity to see the Rocky Horror Show. Then, if they still want nothing to do with it, they can go back to whatever they were doing. Just because something is doomed to fail doesn't mean it shouldn't exist. Often times, its merely indicative of society's collective unpreparedness for something they were too blind to recognize as brilliant. Which is why, in its week long supernova explosion, so too must the stars of the show shine bright....'
Anne Hathaway will play Janet. We know she can sing, because we saw the trailers for Le Mis, and we know she can act because we all saw the Dark Knight Rises. She is a fine actor, and she has certainly earned her place in Rocky Horror history.
Brandon Routh will play Brad. I feel bad for him. He's not a bad actor, he just happened to play Superman in a bad Superman movie. However, he would make a perfect Brad.
Tom Hardy as Dr. Frankenfurter. Again...; The Dark Knight Rises; The moment I saw his portrayal of Bane, I knew he would be perfect for the role. The performance he gave with his eyes is among the great eye performances, which include Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys, Tim Curry in Rocky Horror, Jack Nicholson in The Shining, and Vincent D'Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket, just to name a few.
Tom Cruise as Rocky Horror, obviously. He is known for his love of wigs.
Meatloaf will reprise his role as Eddie, because he's not doing anything anyway. This secures the baby boomers; potentially hundreds of tickets. He may have a bad foot now, but he dances like Fatty Arbuckle as it is.
Helena Bonham Carter as Magenta AND Columbia. No, this does not mean Tim Burton is involved. In fact, a restraining order is to be obtained. Having had an intimate relationship with a disturbed, flamboyant, gothic archetype, she has been method acting in preparation for this role for her most of her love life.
Martin Starr as Riff Raff, because he's funny, lanky, and white. Also, we'll have some Freaks and Geeks fan crossover, adding tens of tickets to our sales.
Christoph Waltz will play Dr. Scott.
Now comes the matter of the staging. A new theater will have to be custom built to my exact specifications. The audience will be on a “turntable” of sorts, allowing them to rotate in different directions to viddy multiple stages. Soon after, the chairs in the audience all unexpectedly retract into slots in the floor at once, turning the house into a dance club for the duration of the Time Warp. The entire cast will dance with the entire audience. This setup will be used again when Meatloaf rides out into the audience on a motorcycle, with both transsexual transylvanians and paying theater patrons alike diving out of his reckless wake.
During the dinner scene, theater seats will once again retract and tables will be set up and dinner will be served. This meal will be included in the ticket price.
We have to fake documents with the fire marshall in order to get the clearance to have the audience do the time warp. Sometimes, even federal laws must be broken. For example, the grand finale will include an actual pool being wheeled in, in which everyone will be encouraged to swim, and touch each other sexually, just like in the scene.
There will be no compromises nor negotiations. If any of these things are missing, I refuse to direct it.
